Forget about the stupid little things
by germanfanfictioner
Summary: A year after Harry broke up with him, Draco writes him a final letter.


**This is inspired by the song** _Amnesia_ **by** _5 Seconds of Summer._ **I suggest you listen to it.**

 _Dear Harry,_

 _I debated whether to write this letter for a long time. There is so much I want to tell you and I can only find words to describe a little piece of it._

 _When I first met you back then before our first year in Hogwarts in Madame Malkin's shop, I wanted to be your friend as soon as I saw you. I think it was your eyes. Your vibrant, emerald green eyes that were dominating your face. I remember how you looked at everything in wonder, but I could also see insecurity in your eyes. A part of me wanted to protect you, to make you feel better. But another part of me knew that you weren't part of my world, that you weren't a pureblood and I didn't know what to think. I still wanted to get to know you, but I knew my father would not approve._

 _And then you rejected my friendship offer. Even worse, you chose a Weasley over me. And that stung. I mean as we both know I've been a spoiled brat and this was the first time I didn't get something I wanted. I admit I behaved like a git and in retrospect I understand that you didn't want to be my friend. But back then I hated you for that and I hated Ron even more. Somehow I convinced myself that this was his fault and that he took you from me._

 _With every year I hated you more: when you became the Gryffindor Seeker in our first year, how everyone praised you and adored you for saving that bloody redhead in our second year or when you were chosen for the Triwizard Tournament._

 _During the first five years of Hogwarts I acted like a spoiled, narrow-minded and jealous twat. But then I was forced to be a Death Eater and got the task of killing Dumbledore and I started to change. How could I not? I started to think and found myself disagreeing with a lot of my father's and Voldemort's ideas. And I realised that the feelings I had for you since the first year were not hate or envy, but a deep affection for you. It took me some time to get used to the crush I had on you._

 _After the war ended and Voldemort was dead, you gave me another chance and returned my wand. When you stepped into my office three years later, I realised how much I missed you. I still remember how much you impressed me. You were all grown up and attractive and your voice was deep and warm. I hoped and prayed that I would not embarrass myself. The funny thing is that it wasn't me who embarrassed themselves._

 _Do you remember?_

 _You were investigating the assassination of a high-rank official from the ministry and came to me, because you suspected that he was poisoned and you needed advice. I remember that you were a little bit nervous and you were accidentally knocking over a batch of potion I just finished. You turned beet red and apologised over and over again. I still remember how shocked you looked when I told you that it was no big deal and how surprised you were when I rejected your offer to pay for the potions._

 _Do you remember what you answered when I asked you why you came to me as we had a coffee together afterwards? You told me that I was one of the few persons you trusted, because I was one of the few people who see you as Harry and not as the boy-who-lived. And, by Merlin's beard, that was the moment I fell in love with you. Despite our past, you were somehow trusting me, which was something no one else did._

 _I am still astonished that you chose to meet up with me more often. To be quite honest, I am still surprised that we worked so well at first as friends later as boyfriends._

 _Did I ever tell you that you looked really adorable when you asked me out for the first time? The way you blushed, squirmed and stuttered was cute. You know on the day of our date, before you picked me up from my place, I was so nervous, Pansy nearly punched me. I was so jumpy and I think I changed my clothes and my hair like four times. And if you wouldn't have come early, I would have done it more often. But everything went right. I mean our date was magical, don't you think? And when we kissed at the end, I was in heaven._

 _The next few months of our beginning relationship was the best time of my life. Pansy always tells me that I am looking back on our relationship through rose-tinted glasses. But I don't care. During our relationship I was the happiest I've ever been. Sure we had fights, but they didn't matter in the end. In the end we still cared about each other and we resolved our problems._

 _It felt always a little bit surreal that we would end together. I am a former Death Eater and the ice prince of Slytherin and you were epitome of goodness and Gryffindor. That's why I felt always a bit insecure about us. That is until you asked me to move in with you. I think that was my favourite part of our relationship, if that's even possible: when we had our domestic moments, like when we picked out a flat for us, when we cooked dinner together or when we had breakfast in bed together._

 _It's hard for me to remember some things of our relationship, like the first time we made love or the first time you told me that you loved me. Those memories hurt the most. Because in these moments you always said that our relationship would be forever and it hurts that it wasn't._

 _The memory I remember the most is the day you dumped me. I replay it in my head over and over again. The memory is burned into my head. It's been a year, but I still feel like it's been yesterday. I remember this day the most, because I ask myself: Why? Why did you break up with me? Why did you end a 3 year long relationship? Why did you get together with her? I never find answers to my questions. I thought you were as happy as I was. But apparently I was wrong. The questions, which irks me the most is: Why didn't you tell me that you were unhappy? Why didn't you want to work on our relationship? Why did I not notice that you were unhappy? Was I such a awful boyfriend?_

 _The reason I am writing this letter is not, because I expect an answer. It's because I need closure in some way._

 _I was visiting my mother at the Manor (she wants you to visit her for tea, by the way) when I walked past the small lake where we first kissed. And I just couldn't anymore. I was hit with the full reality of our break up._

 _Before that I was able to distract myself. Distract myself from my failure to keep you happy. I sat there on the shore of the lake for hours. I admit that I cried a lot. I thought about our first kiss. I remember how I caressed your cheek. It felt stubbly under my palm. You leaned in and just like I did often, I got lost in your eyes. And then your lips were pressed against mine. Your lips felt warm and firm, but they were also slightly chapped. The kiss was nothing extraordinary, just two pairs of lips moving against each other, but I loved every bit of it._

 _And then I had to think about our last kiss. It was actually on the day we broke up. You were called in earlier, because of some case. I remember how you quickly showered and ate something. Then you came into our bedroom and kissed me. I remember how you tasted like that sugary cereal you like._

 _The funny thing is that our friends avoid you as a topic when I am around, even if I ask about you. When I ask they always tell me that you are fine and happy. On one hand I'm glad. But there is this voice in my head hoping that you feel lonely, even when she is next to you. Does that make me selfish? Yes it probably does, but I can't help. Sometimes I just want you to feel as lonely as I do. But I know you don't and that hurts. It hurts so much that you are happy without me._

 _This may sound pathetic, but I kept every letter and love note you wrote me. I kept every picture of us, which we shot with your muggle camera. Sometimes I sit in front of the fireplace looking at them remembering the happy times we had, even though they make me feel lonely even more._

 _You know Hermione often asks me, why I am not going out with all of you anymore._

 _'It'sbeen a year. You should be over it by know. ' she says._

 _The only ones from our friends, who truly understand me and my sadness are Pansy, even if it frustrates her, and George. I mean I can't blame the others. If someone would have told me 5 years ago that I would sit alone in my flat pinning after you, I wouldn't have believed them._

 _Sometimes I wake up in an empty bed and think that you are in the bathroom or in the kitchen and that the break up and the year I am suffering through were just some twisted dream._

 _I remember the wishes and dreams we had. The places we wanted to travel to. Remember that we always spoke about a trip to the Caribbean Sea? Or that we wanted to get a puppy? I think often about that and how we can't do that anymore._

 _Most of the time I just wish to forget. Forget about everything. Forget about you. Forget about us. Forget about her. Forget about the pain. Forget about the little things like your smile or the way you felt in my arms._

 _And I can't understand why you are happy or why you are with her. Did our time together mean nothing to you? How could you end a three year long relationship and be happy about it?_

 _And you know what the worst thing is? If you would stay in front of me tomorrow saying that you want to be back together with me... Do you know what I would do? I would take you back immediately. I would not ask questions. I would not be angry. I would just hold you close and you could never slip away again._

 _I should be angry. I should hate you, but I can't. Because even after a year I still love you. I hate her. I hate her for taking you away from me. But you are happy with her. That's all I can ask for. I am just sad that I was not enough._

 _Forever yours,_

 _Draco_

Harry looked at the letter feeling tormented. His fingers brushed against one of the spots where the ink was smudgy. It wasn't hard to tell why: Draco cried while writing the letter.

Harry sighed heavily.

"Are you okay, love? "

Arms wrapped around Harry from behind.

"I am fine, Gin. "

But he was not fine at all.

 **I hope you like it. Please review.**


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